Parents generally want the best for their children and frequently give advice to protect them from making mistakes or getting hurt. But as children become adults, the parent-child relationship also needs to evolve. Excessive scrutiny may eventually cause friction, especially once the child turns eighteen and begins seeking greater independence.
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Archana Singhal, counsellor, family therapist, and founder of Mindwell Counsel, told HT Lifestyle that parents need to gradually shift from controlling their children's choices to offering guidance and support as they enter adulthood.
She talked about why parents need to stop scrutinising everything once their child reaches adulthood.
The expert said, "Being eighteen means stepping out of childhood into adulthood. From a psychological and mental health standpoint, if parents continuously try to control the lives of their children, it can greatly impact their child's self- esteem, independence, and mental well-being. When parents have always made every life decision for their adult child, it can make them anxious, bitter, unable to make a decision, or fear making the ‘wrong’ life decision. Being a good parent throughout this period looks like offering guidance and mentorship, not control."
Parental control prevents children from learning or trusting their own judgments. Let them be independent and make decisions independently. Continuous parental involvement does not let them grow.
As per the counsellor, here are the five things parents should gradually stop doing once their children become adults
1. Refrain from making all their decisions
- Parents should avoid making every decision concerning their child's education, career, marriage, friendships, and future.
- They can give guidance and advice, but the final choice should be with the adult child.
- Making their own choices can help adult children develop independence and a sense of responsibility.
2. Don't turn every mistake into a failure
- Adult children have the right to make mistakes and learn from them.
- Instead of immediately stepping in to fix the solution, parents can ask, ‘What do you think you could have done differently?’
- Avoid belittling or blaming them. Give them the time and space to understand their actions and accept the consequences.
3. Stop snooping on their lives
- Children deserve personal boundaries.
- Constantly monitoring their whereabouts, finances, messages or social media activity may signal a lack of trust.
- Parents should respect their adult child's privacy while keeping communication open.
4. Stop playing a comparison game
- Avoid comparing an adult child with their siblings, cousins, or family friends.
- Such comparisons may affect their self-esteem and make them feel inadequate or inferior.
- Focus on their individual progress and how they have grown over time.
5. Stop guilting their adult child into something that they really didn't feel good about
- Parents should avoid pressuring adult children into decisions they are uncomfortable with.
- Statements such as ‘You will disappoint us if you take that job’ can make them feel guilty for choosing what is right for them.
- Also leads to tension within the family.
Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional medical advice. Always seek the advice of your doctor with any questions about a medical condition.